The Last Laugh by Tracy Bloom

Author:Tracy Bloom
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781786812919
Publisher: Bookouture

Twenty-Seven

Somewhere around three o’clock in the morning I decide I’d better have this going-away party soon.

Two reasons.

As I’d looked at my husband as he carefully divided the chocolate fudge cake, I realised I couldn’t hold off not telling him about my illness much longer. You see, going back to 1996 just might be making me fall in love with him all over again.

Despite everything.

Despite the affair.

Sharing cake with him has reignited nostalgia for our early passion I had not anticipated. I know he’s sleeping with someone else, I know he’s an utter bastard, but in 1996 he rocked my world. He was my world. I loved him with all my heart. Time and tiredness have eroded it to virtually nothing until tonight, as we’d sat like the courting couple we once were, sharing cake.

He felt it too, I think. There was a flicker of recognition in his eyes of times gone by as the plate had arrived, along with two spoons nestled together in a single napkin. We’d eaten and then left as I began to shiver in the fading light.

We’d hardly spoken on the way home. No need. Both lost in our own thoughts as to why the evening felt significant. I’d felt an enormous desire at that very point to share with him what was really going on. To come clean. Suddenly it felt like he could be the one I would lean on. Suddenly it seemed possible. I only stopped myself because of the simple selfish desire to carry on feeling like this. Warm and loved. I hadn’t felt like this in a very long time and couldn’t bear to give it up for just mere pity. The declaration of my illness would poison these feelings soon enough. It felt good, so good. Just a little bit longer.

The second reason is because I’m finding it harder to hide my pain, despite the best efforts of the handful of tablets I’m taking daily. I’m rolling around on the floor in agony in the middle of the night, my stomach protesting and waves of nausea washing over me. I know I won’t be able to hide how much pain I’m in much longer. Soon the cancer will demand I show my hand and so it’s time to act fast and get on with the things I need to do before my life changes forever.

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